Pure Hell

I had the opportunity to go check out Puerto Rico, so I was excited to get away for a week and enjoy some sun and a little r&r. A couple of years ago I had gone to Arizona for my cousin's wedding and had talked with her dad (my uncle) about Puerto Rico. They had been planning to go and bring their grand kids, and I told him that the next time they went I wanted to come too. He said of course I could come and that's how it all got started.

The plan was to meet my cousin and her husband in San Juan and stay on the east side of the island for a few days and then slowly make our way to the west side and meet up with her mom, dad and nephews. Sounded like a sweet plan to me. I booked my ticket and was on my way. Now, the trip itself was awesome, but the travel to and from was PURE HELL! I can't believe we pay money for this. It still amazes me. It seems more like something you would do to punish someone, say instead of community service, you just make them go on a plane trip and be sure to do the following:

1) Make sure to set the flight up to leave late at night after a full day of work. That way the person is nice and relaxed and refreshed before they take off.

2) Delay the flight take-off for an hour or so just to make sure that the person is still enjoying him/herself at 1am.

3) Make the connecting flight less than 45 minutes away in an airport where getting out of the plane, running through the terminal and catching the connector takes 55 minutes.

4) Once you catch the connector, make sure that person has to sit in the plane on the tarmac for 3 hours...at least. And make it for no particular reason whatsoever while you're at it.

5) Place a screaming child in the same row...whose parents don't do anything to calm the child...for the entire 3 hours!!!

6) Then, to top it all off, lose the person's luggage when you get to the final destination. It helps if the people you are reporting your lost luggage to don't speak any English.

7) Finally, make sure the luggage doesn't show up for 2 days into the trip.

Now, if that doesn't torture you enough, why don't you put it in reverse, but throw in a few extras just to make it interesting:

1) Don't feed the person (I mean, NOTHING...not even peanuts or crackers or cookies) unless they are willing to pay $7 for a 'snack' that consists of some crackers and cheese and other mystery things.

2) Don't give the person water either unless they are willing to pay $2 for a little bottle.

3) Make that a 4 hour flight with no food and water and add on expenses for pillow, blanket or headphones.

4) Make sure all the kids are screaming in unison on the descent to your connector.

5) In the final leg of the flight, which brings you back to San Francisco (home sweet home), make sure the only 2 children on the flight are sitting right in front and right in back of you, screaming and kicking for half the flight.

6) And, just when you thought your 'community service' was over, have them lose your luggage for a SECOND time...and make sure it takes them another 2 days to get it back to you.

7) Oh, and have them break your luggage while they're at it, so you have to buy new luggage.

Any recommendations for where to get some new luggage by the way?

Make sure the person not only is forced to do this, but had to PAY for it as well.